Skool nerse time

This is Mrs. Grumpy,

Dear Kids,

There are a lot of innovative ways to cut class and/or get sent home, and I think it's commendable that you guys work together so well.

Sometimes even I get fooled.

Last Thursday, for example.

Getting a bunch of kids in with stomach aches isn't that unusual, especially since I can't test for them. But when a second crop began showing up with skin irritations and rashes on their hands, faces, and mouths... it certainly got my attention. I even called the state and poison control to see if there were reports coming from other schools along those lines (there weren't).

Until someone came in with bad eye pain, which I had to flush out with water... and they spilled the beans. Before that I really had no clue what you were all up to.

Apparently one of you cute tykes smuggled in several Carolina Reapers with your lunch. Some bravely tried to show off by eating them, while others just vigorously rubbed pieces on their skin to induce redness and swelling. And a few accidentally ended up getting it in their eyes, nasal tissues, and (in one horrifying case) rear end. ("It was an accident, Nurse Grumpy!" Uh-huh, sure.)

Fortunately, no students were permanently harmed in this debacle, though many parents were quite inconvenienced by me having to call them about what was going on. And the majority of them began laughing hysterically.

To recap:

1. Mrs. Decimal says you still have to make up the math test.

2. Your parents think you are idiots.

3. Scoville units are not to be taken lightly.

Have a nice day.