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THE DAILY RANT: When women shut down other women.....

So here goes......




I would like to make it clear that I am not using my blog as an attack form and nor am I going to publish the names of anyone or the organisation. This is because, the people involved have been nice to me in the past so I respect that and will not be making it public.

I am going to use this blog post to talk about silencing women instead.

I've seen a lot of this recently and it makes me feel a bit uneasy. Women silencing women but using the word 'Feminism' to do it. It makes me uneasy because at the moment we live in an age where so much is offensive and people are dicks on the internet. I have experienced the panic (as I am sure we all have) with publishing work on my blog where I fear of offending people.

I like that we are all being a bit more careful now about what we post. I like that we are paying attention to the feelings of others even if it does go a bit too far occasionally. I would like this to always be the way. However, when is something offensive and when is something a disagreement?

I found this out recently when I submitted a piece for publication and had it sent back with a rather curt, bitchy email about not adhering to the publications idea of feminism. It had all the hallmarks of mean girls sitting around bitching to be honest. I am not a stranger to a rejection letter as anyone in writing and journalism isn't. I have my fair share of them. However, there is a difference between written with respect and understanding - and just coming across as a mob.

The piece in question was a piece about women's fashion. I worked on it, felt comfortable and sent it off. I won't publish extracts from the piece nor the response email but the email I got back really upset me. I was asked to change the piece to fit in with a group of women's beliefs that I have never met.  Their idea of feminism or being 'acceptable.' I was so humiliated that I shut down and emailed back saying that I would change it and email it back. I didn't. I was so embarrassed and horrified by it that I binned the piece.

It was a few days before I realised that I couldn't stop thinking about it and something did not sit right with me. I couldn't figure out what it was. Then I looked back over the email. It was in the wording that was used which made me feel as if a group of strangers had decided I wasn't feminist enough or was politically incorrect. Something I hadn't been accused of before as I try to be as fair as possible.

There was only one thing for it. I sent the piece to a friend who also writes for publications and blogs. I didn't tell her it was mine. She found it fine and non offensive. In fact when she had the full story she was as angry as me. It helped me to feel less confused and embarrassed about my work. Here is why I am writing this piece about censorship, feeling humiliated and 'the voice' of feminism.

We, as women, have enough people trying to silence us without silencing each other. If you feel my piece is wrong or something I have written is wrong - engage with me about it. I don't take well to the idea of girl gangs deciding who is and isn't cool enough to sit with them and demanding their view of feminsim be the only one. We have got to stop calling each other non feminists and offensive - it makes it okay for guys to call us offensive. Sorry, Tina Fey moment.

I find this a lot recently that there seems to be this feminist brigade of extremism and it has to stop. I have decided not to work on the piece. I don't change my work for no good reason and I will not be told by strangers that I am not being a good feminist. Here is the thing though, we fought for so long to have the different voices of feminism and for it not to be one thing. Embracing the idea of different types of feminism is amazing. Understanding that female writers can be anyone with the understanding, hope and love of women. In short, anyone who wants to see women succeed in any way they want to.

In short, the result that this email had was to silence me as a writer and in turn as a woman. We need to make sure that we stop doing that to each other. Immediately.

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